The 21st Century Man Has Manners & Engaging Social Skills


Social Skills: Pay attention

Most problems in the work place, or with family, women, friends, and associates are often due to poor social skills. This usually happens accidentally and without intention because it may not have been a part of ones upbringing or the learning scheme of our current cultural climate. This can have a severe and negative impact on a young man’s life and future.

But the good news is, social awareness and good manners, which are learned in the home or self-taught, engages others and encourages cooperation, group support, and even improved job performance. Let’s talk more about this, the negative and positive’s of manners.

What happens when the negative effects of poor social skills are wide spread and intrude into the social fabric? Unfortunately, if affects bringing people together? The general decline in civility, if you will. Today’s current climate emphasizes informality and “Do your own thing”. What may be contributing to this decline? The vulgar and crudely acting characters portrayed in all forms of visual media that millennial’s are glued to on a daily basis. The scarcity of well mannered and competent men portrayed in the media, and internet addiction (6 hours a day other than for work or school) which sucks out the opportunity to learn the subtle clues and sensitivities that are fixed ingredients for normal social interactions. It hammers away at people every minute of the waking day. The consequences of this incessantly repeated depiction of unrefined social behavior can effect a man’s job and his performance, not to mention his entire future. Allow me to throw a real curve ball, that also means financial future. Who wants that?

‘A recent article in the Wall Street Journal (19 August 2017), entitled, “The High Cost of Workplace Rudeness,” points out an effect of these very issues discussed in this article:

“ Whether it’s ignoring a colleague’s email request, snapping at someone in a meeting or interrupting a conversation to respond to a text message, modern workplace rudeness is varied and rampant.” Needless to say, rudeness results in poor work performance. This is hardly surprising. What should give pause, however, to the thinking person are the words, “rampant” and “varied”. These words in the article suggest that a general state of offensive manners exists in and out of the work place. It also went on to state that “Rudeness can be contagious”.

Young men today, and especially the many who are immersed in the distracting world of digital social media, are particularly vulnerable to the consequences of living in a vacuum of face-to-face interaction. Many young men are unaware that their behavior to friends, colleagues, girl friends, family members, and employers can be off-putting and even offensive. Ignorance of good manners does not pay-off. A perfect example I can share is from a good friend of mine who is a CEO, he told me that several well qualified employees were solicited to be rehired after the company recovered from the 2008 debacle. He went on to tell me that he threw away the applications of former employees whose social behavior, in his words, were “immature”. Employees who had social polish and grace were first considered. Good manners opened doors; poor manners closed them. Which lends to the question I have for you, do you want to be employed or in the trash?

The Man of the 21st century strives to climb out of the rabbit hole to see what is happening outside of the screen, instead of burrowing in his tunnel. He aims to become aware and to understand the different worlds that people inhabit and live in. He does this by interacting with people he can touch and talk with, while having eye contact. He works hard on his social graces, politeness and takes the old adage “Treat others as you wish to be treated” quite seriously. Not only with respect, but with dignity and understanding. And in some cases, even compassion.

He studies the humanities (art, literature, music, theater, philosophy, religious studies and history) because it will help him gain knowledge of how and why people interact, the way they do. He makes a study of etiquette and practices good manners. “Hello, how are you? It’s nice to see you again”. If all of that fails to gain your interest, it also gets you the right kind of girl. The one you would be proud of and the one that would be proud of you.

My book, THE MAN YOU CAN BE FOR THE 21ST CENTURY gives applicable suggestions and references that provide more information and solutions for you, about this very topic. Consistent practice brings results consistently. Eventually it becomes innate.

The good news is that the practice of good manners and engaging social skills, for the 21st Century man, does not consume much time or energy. Yet, the benefits will clear the weeds to a smoother path toward success. By putting the knowledge of good manners to daily use, a man of the 21st century can navigate reasonably smoothly and pleasantly within his personal life and the workplace. Being awake and determined to become whole, complete, and effective in all categories are the building blocks toward strong manhood.

This is not to say you can’t hashtag and use millennial speak like “Sup” or “How you doin?” Simply knowing when and where to apply this kind of speech will get you a lot further in your life, when you don’t apply it in the workplace. Be aware of your environment and get your head out from behind the screen. Be a leader not a follower and lead by example. Then you will become a 21st Century Warrior.

Below is the link to my book. Go forth and conquer my 21st century warrior.

Written by:

J.D. Lee

Leave a Reply